Tuesday, May 30, 2006 @ Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Halfway there
One message received, it was from him.
Musa: "Halu, I'm sorry for my attitude today.. I'm just tired and trying to be more serious cos' I don't want any problems in the shop in the future.. I'm so sorry.."
Ok. He sounded so sweet. I can't believe he actually apologised for his weird behaviour during the day and I can't believe I smiled like a fool after reading it.
Me: "It's ok.. I understand.. You have more responsibilities now and I guess I have to get use to it yeah? No worries.. Take care on your way home.. Don't drool like me."
Musa: "Ok.. Thanks.. I'll appreciate that.. You have a good rest k? And make sure you and him progress faster ha.."
I froze.
Me: "Erm.. Mus, who're you referring to? Is it the guy that Kak Nora set me up with?"
Musa: "You and Shank leh.. Good luck ha.. Hehehehehe.."
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?! He already knew that me and Shank are just close friends now and what's with all the luck in the world now? What makes him think that there's something going on again?
Me: "Mus, what are you talking about? There's nothing going on between me and Uncle right now.. We're just friends.. and besides, it's kind of complicated.. I don't know how I'm suppose to feel right now.."
Musa: "Ok.. It's up to you.. I can't force you.. You have to make your own decision.."
I took a deep breath.
Me: "Erm.. I don't know how to tell you Mus but.. There're some lies I told you about me and Shank and I think you deserve to know.. But not right now.. Maybe some other day when I'm ready.. I'm so sorry Mus.."
...and then, there was no reply. I began to panic. Till now, no reply. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. Maybe I should still continue pretending but I guess it's too late now. No more going to work together then. No more jokes. No more mushy-ness. Just no more.
Goodbye Musa.
Sunday, May 28, 2006 @ Sunday, May 28, 2006
Issues. My issues.
We were walking towards the bus stop together around midnight. He was taking a break from work while I was heading home. We talked as per normal, joking here and there when all of a sudden, there was silence.
I just had to tell him; tell him what I've been feeling deep down inside my heart. Tell him what has been bothering me these couple of months. Even though I think that it wasn't necessary but I think he needs to know. I stopped dead on my tracks and faced him.
"Mus... I think you deserve to know the truth..."
He looked at me intensely.
"I lied. The reason I went back to him was cos' I was heartbroken. I like you Mus. I really do and I don't really give a damn about the age gap. It has never bothered me since the start. I've never met someone so identical as me, someone who never fail to make me smile and someone I'm so comfortable with. I thought there was something going on between the two of us especially the night we went to National Library. There was no doubt that it was one of the happiest night of my life and it really gave me hope; a lot of hope..."
I started to tear. "...but then you just had to drop the bomb at me by telling me you've met your other half. I won't lie to you, but I was devastated. What's a girl to do when she found out the guy she likes, likes someone else and even thanked her for support and encouragement? I'm not expecting anything from you right now but I just had to tell you cos' I think you need to know. If you decide not to talk to me right after this whole conversation, by all means, I understand. I just don't want to keep lying to you anymore. I'm so sorry.."
And the fantasy ends there. DAMN if I really have the guts to tell him all this face to face, I would've accomplished my own Fear Factor!
